We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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