Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
ok first of all what the fuck
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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