She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
