boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I am naked and annoyed.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
