I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
We were destined to go to rehab together
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize