Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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