He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
