He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Randomize
