grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
