Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
