If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
