Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
