I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
