so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize