Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize