I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
