"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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