I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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