70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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