i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Randomize
