grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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