Someone shit on the floor
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
