Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Randomize
