I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
