The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
