It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
