you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
