Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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