dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
