We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
