I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
