my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
