you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
