I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Those nachos came to me in a dream
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
