do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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