I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
