I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
