My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
