I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
