Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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