I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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