she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize