Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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