I'll bet she douches with gravy.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize