i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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