I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
