is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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