now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
