what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
