Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
