Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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