She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
