he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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