That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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