goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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