im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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