If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
