I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
