Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
