I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
