the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize