the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
