i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
