Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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