it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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