I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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