I can't breathe out the right side of my face
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Randomize
