so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
