____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
