then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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