I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
