quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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