she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize