Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
