I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
