We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
