the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
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