I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
