well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
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