Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize