I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
