I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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