I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
