Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
