I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
they need to just BURY HIM!
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
