I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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