He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
