I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize