that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
