I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
