I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
