glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Be still, my beating vagina.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
