Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
