An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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