she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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