i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
