so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
