when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
