i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
