you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
