how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
