Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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