Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Sext me about skeletons
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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