I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
