I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
