So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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