The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
