well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
