maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
