Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
