I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
