I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
This house was built for laser tag.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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