AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
