Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
