well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
