the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
