im six kinds of drunk right now
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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