wanna go halves on a baby?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
