i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize