the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
