I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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