My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
